"Sorry, your inverter setup is no longer under warranty. Due to the recent conditions in South Africa, your two year warranty is a now a year."

I need two new 100 ah gel batteries. Urgently. The ones I have are still under warranty, but that doesn't matter because my installer bought the batteries from Averge.

Strap in, gents (and gals); you're in for a wild ride.

A year ago, while my mates were all busy leaving the country for greener pastures, I laughed patriotically and bought a lovely setup. 2x batteries in a neat trolley, and it has an inverter to keep me up and running during load-shedding. Some math wizards from my dungeons and dragons club did their math magic, and I was guaranteed to get around 10+hours of juice while running my router and laptop. I was done with load shedding. I didn't even need to immigrate. I smiled as I deleted EskomSePush from my phone. Sure, I had to sell a kidney to afford it all, but it was the ultimate middle finger to Eskom. This is the South African way!

Like all great stories, there is always a big bad someone that wants to steal your lunch and pee on your batteries. I assumed it was Eskom. I was wrong. Oh, how the turntables.

Like my fellow countrymen, I've been struggling to stay sane during load shedding. You see, my very expensive, very useful inverter setup is now just very expensive.

It all started a few weeks ago with the return of load shedding. Despite being a year old, my inverter and batteries have been lasting less than an hour while only powering a router.

No problem. Despite being exactly a year old, I have a two-year warranty. I hit up the installer, and we jump through the various hoops as required by Averge.

Kasello* (not his real name) - praised everywhere online for his excellent and quick presale responses takes roughly 6-8 hours to respond to each of my warranty queries. Bit of a red flag, but shame, the guy is busy selling batteries. It's stage 6 load shedding, and he's got to earn that commission check. This dude doesn't have to sell kidneys to afford batteries. You don't know him. He's the f$%# LIZARD– Erm, battery king.

I wait patiently in my dark office for his reply. The very expensive inverter has long since stopped whining and died. I'm not sharing this story with my mates overseas. They're too busy boasting about how great their lives are in Europe, but I know the truth. They're just as lonely and depressed as me, sitting here in the dark office with windows too small, staring at the dim, "battery saver" screen of my laptop.

I get a ping from my cellphone. An email. I wait a minute to open it while my cellphone connection has a tiny "E" next to the cellphone reception bar. (I guess someone stole the Vodacom batteries again, but let's be honest, it's 50/50. Chances are they also bought their batteries from Averge.)

I squint at my cellphone screen as I zoom in on the email from Kasello's technical manager, let's call him Realbo* (Also not his real name)

Realbo has a sweet gig at Averge. He's their technical manager. Kasello might have to sling batteries and solar panels to earn his living, but Realbo, he gets paid to send copy/paste replies. This guy has perfected it. In fact, to this day, Realbo might be a very advanced chatbot. We'll never know. He's THAT good.

"With the current stage 4 load shedding... blah blah blah. To solve your problem, your batteries need 48- 72 hours to charge. This is normal."

It even came with quotation marks. I kid you not. He's THAT good. Not the answer I was expecting, but sure. I'm not a licensed battery expert, and I still have faith in humanity. I squint in the dark as I type my reply. I respectfully raise my concerns that these issues have been ongoing since before Stage 4, and still, it's getting 12 hours of charge, which should be enough to power a router for 2.5 hours?

I wait a day for a reply. Kasello is making a killing slinging those solar panels and batteries. Let those with warranty issues eat cake. You don't need electricity to buy cake. Even Vernon Koekemoer would blush at how much money Kasello rakes in with his excellent presale skills. This guy SELLS.

I sent another friendly follow-up email, and I get an early-morning reply before 6AM while I'm running around to get a cup of coffee before the power goes off until 8:30.

Dear client, Please see below response from Realbo (in copy): "This is normal. If the battery doesn't fully charge... blah blah. Warranty takes five days etc."

I have a braai-buddy with the same inverter and battery setup as I. His setup is two years old, and he still gets 6 hours from his system. The difference is he didn't buy from Averge, since, and I'm quoting the Averge technical manager here, "it's normal" for Averge batteries to last less than two hours during stage 4 load shedding. But I digress, we're finally getting somewhere. Five days without batteries is going to hurt, but ***** it. The batteries are already as useful as an Afrikaans accent in Asia. I might as well send them in and get them replaced.

We go back and forth for a few days. Kasello notices that my system is a year and three days old and is therefore no longer under warranty. The tone changes from "This is fine. Everything is normal." to "Your batteries are damaged, but you can pay us to 'possibly' have them fixed." I'm not even making this up. They can 'try' to fix it. No stress. My batteries came with a two-year warranty. My installer even proudly stated the fact when I checked in with them.

I keep asking about my two-year warranty. I explain about my braai buddy. I tell them how long I've been struggling with this. I beg, I plead, I pray, I cry. I go through all five stages of grief and then several more stages of frustration. Each time I wait a full day to get a copy/paste from Realbo. I remain calm and courteous. I whimper as I eat my cake in the dim light from my laptop screen.

A week passes. (This is not an exageration. I'm calm and understanding, but it reaches the point where I can no longer wait a full day for responses.) I play the last card up my sleeve. I CC my missus in the email. Every hour Kasello and Realbo don't answer, she sends a corporate(ish) email asking for feedback.

After three emails, Realbo answers with another copy/paste reply. The batteries are out of warranty. I can pay to have them fixed or buy new batteries.

For the first time, after a week, I'm getting upset. I highlight all the important points I've raised in the 19 email long thread. The batteries are under warranty. I beg Realbo to look at the email and actually read my pleas before responding with another copy/paste.

15 minutes later I get a reply.

"The two year warranty is no longer valid due to the conditions in South Africa."

I haven't replied to him yet. I'm too upset. When I bought the batteries, they had a two-year warranty. When I queried the issues I had two weeks ago, I had a two-year warranty. I've wasted a week trying to resolve this the right way. Never have I ever– I can't even. What do I do now? Where do I go? Do I suck it up and buy new batteries?

Just do yourself a favour. Don't buy equipment from Averge. Dealing with Kasello and Realbo from Averge reminded me of dealing with Telkom with the exception being that if I had logged a faulty line instead of a faulty battery a week ago, Telkom would have fixed my line after a week. Just in case you're a bit slow or a little drunk from drinking alone in the dark to carry you through the pain that is load-shedding, don't buy from Averge. Your two-year warranty, which became one year, might unexpectantly change into six months "due to the conditions in South Africa."

tl;dr: Does anyone know of a company that actually honours their warranties, unlike Averge where I can buy two batteries?