Let's ignore our client!

There are good reviews on their Facebook page. It looks like Green Smoke Room is up there with the best regarding customer service. Reading them I was encouraged to place an order with Green Smoke Room. Unfortunately my experience was disappointing.

Full-marks must go to the ordering process - they collected my bucks and a few days later the seeds arrived.

Then the germination started and only 60% of the batch germinated successfully. You know the feeling - you wait and wait, curse a bit and wait some more. Nothing. This is when the purists will chime in and say that you are working with Mother Nature. Indeed, Mother Nature can be a *****. But if you are working with expensive feminized seeds surely it’s reasonable to expect a head-start?

So I drop GSR an email telling them of my dilemma. Steve makes contact with me. His response is that this is a good batch of seeds and there is something wrong with my germination technique. Now I may not be the best ganja farmer this side of the Umgeni but I do have a semblance of logic in this old pip of mine. Here it is: if you germinate a bunch of seeds under the same conditions and 60% of the seeds germinate surely the other seeds are dodgy? Makes complete sense to me.

I send Steve a picture of one of the ladies that made it through germination to prove a point. You should see this plant. She’s loving life. Maybe I’m bragging but that’s what proud fathers do - right?

No reply.

I’m not giving up on this one just yet.

Surely if GSR has a problem with their seeds they would like to know about it? I ask Steve if I should return the seeds so they can check for themselves. How cool am I? Truth is I subscribe to the 420 notion that you should help a brother out. Nothing. This dude must be married. I can tell. The best way to circumvent a disagreement is to play the silence game. It’s a technique I have used effectively on my spousal unit. No talk - no argument.

HEALTH AND SAFETY WARNING: Extensive research has taught me that although effective, this approach can incur the wrath of your partner that may lead to an extended period of ***ual abstinence and life in the dog box. Use with caution.

I look down at the seeds and feel a discomfort deep inside of me. Maybe it’s the Durban bunny chow that I had for lunch. No. It’s frustration. It’s anger. It’s the lack of customer service that we have grown used to in this country. I want these seeds out of my life. I stride to the toilet to flush the seeds to eternity. I can’t do it. Instead I see myself flushing crispy red R50 notes down the tubes. Get the picture?

I am disappointed-but there is a light at the end of this dark bong of life. I have supported the friendly guys over at Biltong and Buds and they are on top of their game. Think I will go back to them. They even answer their emails.