I tried Mandy's hair removal creme for the first time today.

Lo, though I soon learned that the prophets which spake of Hell fire verily spake truth!

Within 5 seconds of applying the product to these forbidden regions I felt an increasingly intense burning sensation. Choosing to see this as a challenge to my masculinity I laughed to myself and proceeded to wait for the remainder of the 4 minutes. Sweat was beginning to form on my forehead, but it was finally time to use the little, plastic s****per thing to rid myself of those cursed hairs.

First swipe with the s****per - my mouth surely dropped open in horror at the pain. I clearly remember looking down to ensure that only hair was removed and not skin!

Second swipe - random expletives and nervous laughter.

Third swipe - whimpering. Seriously.

Then I got the bright idea of watering down the Mandy's before continuing with the hair s****ping. I hoped for merciful, healing waters. Instead, the fiery lake of Beelzebub descended upon my flesh!

Realizing then that water was only going to re-activate the now partially dried up lotion, I hurried s****ped off more and more hair. Hobbling to my shower I decided that i would instead wash it and my hair off as fast as I could.

After 15 minutes of washing myself in the shower over and over the pain had greatly subsided. It was finally over! Happily drying myself I remember laughing and thinking "I must have a really high pain tolerance", once more confident in my masculinity.

Then, to my horror I realized that not only was the pain gone, but that I no longer felt hardly any thing down there! Like a deer staring at headlights I stared downwards while my mind screamed "... did they die?!!"

Lotion - I hastily found my savior and baptized myself with its cool, soothing relief. Ever so slight burning sensation ... mild burning ... very hot burning ... suddenly I felt the pain of a thousand paper-cuts exposed to jalepeno peppers!

Sprinting to my nearby box fan I stood there shaking, hoping for salvation. The cool air changed nothing. I ignored the warnings of the prophets and there would be no mercy for me! For the next 20 or so minutes I paced back and forth desperately waiting for the punishment of my transgression to cease.

Oddly, the pain did cease and quite suddenly. I think that numbness has set in, like when you eat waaay too many hot peppers. Maybe my skin just died. Either way, my trials and tribulations are over, so I am truly joyous!

Heed the words of warning inscribed on the bottle - spare yourself the flames.