Abyssal and abhorrent

Not a single time in my life have I felt compelled to use this Hello Peter site. Currently it is 3 in the morning as I write this just having recieved another email from these people. I would rather drink seawater in my coffee and have my head repeatedly rammed against a trash compactor than ever see Edge or Amica in my email again.

I have repeatedly asked for cancellations. I have filled the forms. I have been ignored. I am at the point of throwing insults and I am finally resorting to public outcry which, for me, is a phenomenon akin in frequency to a visit from Haley's comet.

Edge fitness clubs operate on a predatory business model with its partner 'debt recovery' service. Like the trapdoor spider, they nest in a small burrow waiting for unsuspecting prey to happen by. Having chosen something as foolish as getting in shape and improving your life was the right choice, as you will soon be caught in a web of administrative nightmares, incompetence and financial exploitation.

Upon trying to cancel a contract they will send you a form to fill in which they won't process, and their debt recovery vampires will demand the payment in full for remainder of the contract of you. They do little more but send you a email with a bunch of legal text and demand payment whilst threatening to get you blacklisted. Then they ignore you completely once you make said payment as agreed to cancel this contract. Honestly I'd rather be blacklisted at this point. My blood pressure could probably provide enough thrust to help Elon get us to Mars tomorrow.

Upon stopping the debit order yourself after you pay the cancellation fee, your membership that you explicitly said you wanted cancelled will suddenly and spontaneously grow like a cancer on your soul. A R250 membership it's apparently R550 a month if you pay via EFT or cash etc. This magical manifestation will likely again become blood to feed their vampiric debt collection partners, trapping you in an eternal Hell.

I have elected to ignore them at this point, as I have paid the cancellation fee and sent the form, and therefore I have to conclude this to be purposely malicious. The only alternative explanation involves a detailed theory regarding the staff smoking Krokodil and needing to suck the soul from their clients to provide for some obscure deity. Probably Mammon. But I will not speculate too much into the realm of potential fiction. It's just a theory (miss you MatPat)

Overall, Edge Fitness clubs provokes the image of a 1920s, moustache twirling villain as far as their customer service and cancellation department goes. And I'd you do not pay them for the sevice you stopped using five months ago they'll twirl their moustache further and send a bully to ice you. Dear Dr Jung would call this the shadow while their persona is of getting in shape and be healthy and ****, plastic support. Sadly, I always thought the world we live in is the shadow of God and here are more people to prove it correct.

Lesson: Do not sign up for this gym. Or any gym in fact. Eat junk, get fat and be lazy. Trying to change that gets you this problem. I'd rather have the problem of buying a pair of jeans one size up or haul my flabby ass around the block for a run.

Do not support these people. Do not fall for their advertising. They do not care about you or your fitness journey. They are predatory and parasitic.

Peace out from the abyss